OnelargeprawnFrom bad tasting lattes at Starbucks, to ingrown hairs, to long lines at the Apple store it’s hard out here for a Caucasian. Just because they are white, doesn’t mean their burden is light.
Zach Selwyn and Eli Braden let it all hang out in the hilarious music video, White People Problems. Check it out below.
[via Buzzfeed]
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Your foot will fall asleep this Thursday, but not before draining a full bottle of whiskey, throwing up in an abandoned parking lot, and repeatedly calling its ex-wife on the phone.
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
The ghost of Richard Dean Anderson will soon pay you a visit and spend the entire time insisting he’s not dead yet.
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
This week be sure to pray to St. Harold, the Patron Saint of Falling Down The Basement Stairs, Shattering Both Your Hips, And Laying Paralyzed Until Someone Gets Home.
Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22
Cancer had its latest prediction all set to go, but then it found out about this cool new thing called Twitter, and well…you understand.
Read the rest of these hilarious horoscopes after the jump.
I haven’t even thought about cross stitch since I was forced to do it in home economics class in grade 5. It was torture – stitching horrible little patterns and flowers on to something that was supposed to make a bag for me to keep (you guessed it) cross stitch needles and stuff in – Super yay!
However I came across something on Neatorama that has changed my mind. There’s this cool chick called Shanna from Minneapolis, USA, and she does the kind of cross stitch I can appreciate.
Hit the jump to see more coolness.
As you may have noticed Dear Reader, I am a great fan of satire, sarcasm, irony and all things dark and dangerous. Anyway the fabulous Zahidah (maker of superb pies and samoosas) pointed me in the direction of a very lekker local site that is jam packed with lovely juicy satire and sarcasm. Here’s a tasty tit bit:
After 15 years ANC thinkers make incompetence breakthrough
PRETORIA. After fifteen years in power the ANC has for the first time threatened to sack non-performing ministers, saying that the groundbreaking concept to stop rewarding incompetence went against everything the new South Africa stood for but was necessary if the ruling party was going to carry out effective purges inside its organization.
Speaking to journalists this morning ANC spokesman Yesman Mxenge said that the new concept, called “accountability”, had sowed panic and confusion among ANC backbenchers.
“The problem is that it’s a very high-end concept,” said Mxenge. “I’m not sure I understand it myself.
“In a nutshell, it’s basically that if you don’t do the job you’re being paid half a million a year to do, you don’t get fired.
“Wait, no, you do get fired. That’s the part that keeps tripping us up.”
For more full flavour fun and delicious belly laughs visit Hayibo. Oh and their polls are awesome too!
More from the crazy brilliant Toothpaste For Dinner man Drew. Check out Superpoop for your daily dose of sarcasm, satire and irony.
When I grow up I want to be a blogger like David Thorne (you need to mouse around a bit to find the way into his site but I promise it’s worth it).
Tampons
My son’s birthday is next week. When he was seven, I told him to draw pictures of what he wanted for his birthday as a visual list, when I inquired as to one image (which I first took to be a box of coloured crayons), I deciphered his explanations as it being tampons. In particular, the multicoloured brand. His only references to the product were the adverts featuring a girl jumping out of a window onto a tree which lowered her into a bmw convertible full of friends, an electric green street racing car with black flames and the ability to do a single handed handstand star-jump on a dance machine to crowd applause. I bought him a box and figured he would work it out. Yesterday I asked him what he wants for his birthday and he replied ‘not tampons’.
Riddick
While watching the movie ‘Chronicles of Riddick’ together last night, my offspring stated that he wished Riddick was his dad. When I asked why, he replied that Riddick is good looking, has muscles and is a good fighter. I told him that I wished Matthew (his arch-enemy at school) was my son because he is better at maths and has cool hair.
Girls that have said no #4
A lady (aged 190) at the counter at Myers in front of me yelled ‘my purse’ then looked at me and proclaimed ‘You took my purse’ so I said ‘yes, I took your purse, I collect them.’ and she started yelling at me and the department manager came over and I had to explain that I was not admitting to the theft, I was being sarcastic. Her purse ended up in one of the many bags she was carrying but she continued to glare at me without so much as an apology. When the girl served me she apologised and I asked her ‘why, did you arrange someone to act like an old crazy woman for me’ and she laughed and said that I was funny so I asked her out and she said no.
I’ve just been retrenched, and this is exactly what I feel like saying to these *@&£ers when I leave.
More absolutely brilliant cartoons at Toothpaste For Dinner.