I love Futurama so this comes as good news, everyone. Artist Ray Lin has been hard at work sculpting busts of the cartoon characters as if they existed in real life. Thus far, he has sculpted Turanga Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Nibbler, and the woefully inept Doctor Zoidberg. Have a look at Lin’s creations after the jump.
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Now That’s a Badass Tombstone!
Robert Clay Allison born on September 2, 1840 in Waynesboro, Tennessee, was a no-nonsense kill-you-dead kind of guy. During the U.S. Civil War, the clubfooted Allison was discharged from the Light Artillery division for violent and psychotic behavior and re-enlisted as a spy for the 9th Tennessee Calvary. This didn’t pan out so well as he got accused of being a spy and was due to be executed, but the quick-thinking man murdered his guard and escaped to freedom.
After a short stint in the barrel-of-laughs hate group the Klu Klux Klan (KKK), Allison moved to Texas but during the trip he put the beatdown on a ferryman for overcharging him to cross the river. He also had a hand in decapitating a suspected killer and placing his head on a pole for all to see.
Now to his man’s crowning glory – in 1887, Allison was tracked down by gunman Chunk Colbert who wanted to avenge the maltreatment of uncle – the ferryman. A duel was set, but first, it was the complimentary dinner! After a hearty grub, pistols were fired and Colbert dropped dead. When asked why he first ate with the man who wanted to kill him, Allison reportedly said:
I didn’t want to send him to hell on an empty stomach.
After further altercations with Mexicans (they died), a sheriff (he died), legendary lawman Wyatt Earp (verbal dispute, no guns), and a dentist (his teeth got pulled), this vicious killer died not in a blaze of glory or by the hangman’s noose, but a common ranching accident. In 1887, at age of 47, Allison died cheaply when he fell from a wagon and had his neck crushed by the heavy wagon wheels. At least he had an awesome tombstone:
HE NEVER KILLED A MAN THAN DID NOT NEED KILLING
More about Clay Allison at Legends of America. [via Buzzfeed]