I hate to be rude (no I don’t really!) – this is a private joke for Prawn1 – but it’s so funny I had to put it up here.
Click here for more of this greatness.
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I see the future…
Author: Lucy Furr
I heart onelargeprawn.
Do you wish you had the time to read something that is simultaneously intellectually-nourishing and entertaining – aside from this blog obviously? Well now you can read a novel on the internet while you’re at “work”. And even better, it’s a novel in serial form, so those of you not accustomed to reading more than a few paragraphs at a time won’t wear yourselves out!
Many famous authors have been published in serial form in newspapers, albeit most of this crazy coolness went on in the Victorian era with writers like Charles Dickens. It was a great way for writers and readers to make the novel last years – rather like a soap opera but obviously way better. The telegraph.co.uk has published a novel by author Alexander McCall Smith whose first book #1 Ladies’ Detective Agency reached the top of best seller lists around the world. McCall Smith’s Corduroy Mansions has been published as a daily novel in 100 parts, from the comments I read, it looks like a fun book. You can read and enjoy it here.
Oh how I could dig a holiday right now. A palm-fringed tropical island would be sublime, a chalet in the mountains with a wood burning fire place would be delightful, a suite at Claridges would be very special indeed. Heck, who am I kidding? A tent on the bank of the Breede would be perfect (and realistic). Alas there’s no holiday in sight for poor little moi, but at least I can take solace in the fact that some people went on holiday and didn’t have a good time. Here are some absurd complaints made by vacationing fools:
- A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.
- “No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
- “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
- “I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.”
- “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
Read this for more ludicrousness.
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Is ignorance our master?
I don’t know about you dear Readers, but I’m not feeling particularly proud of the beloved country this week. I mean we have friends and relatives fleeing the country left right and centre for the “greener” pastures of Europe and the Antipodes, but we decided that we actually like it here, and we’re going to stay. For the past few mornings however, I’ve felt like leaving the house with a paper bag on my nationality.
I know that the Dalai Lama says to be kind whenever possible, but I just cannot be kind in my mind when I think about the fact that nasty neighbour (and mass murdered) Bob Mugabe is permitted to come and go in South Africa as he pleases, while one of the world’s most respected spiritual leaders (a darling peaceful little old man with spectacles, yellow robes, and a Nobel Peace Prize) the Dalai Lama is denied a visa. And it’s all for the love of China (well trade with China really). Yes, China. The same China that is responsible for huge job losses in South Africa, particularly in the textile industry. The same China that annexed Tibet, exiled the Dalai Lama, and built casinos and supermarkets on ancient sacred ground. The same China that continues to violate human rights, and environmental laws on a daily basis. It’s just great. And did you know that there are only two countries in the whole world into which the Dalai Lama is denied entry? Yup you guessed it – China and South Africa.
I won’t lie to you, I’m starting to feel a little afraid about this whole China and South Africa against the rest of the world thing. There’s an old Croatian saying that goes something like “if you lie down with a dragon, you’ll wake up with third degree burns all over your body and face, and your nylon underwear will be welded to your bum forever”. I just hope our respected leaders know what they’re up to. Anyway this rant of mine has gotten a little long, and depressing, so if you want a lighter version of the story, check out this gem on the brilliant hayibo.com.
And to read more about the man whose religion is kindness, click here.
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T-shirt love
Yes yes people I got my JuJu t-shirt in the post today, and it is AWESOME! I intend to wear it as often as is hygenically possible – especially on election day.
You can order yours at the equally awesome Hayibo.
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Foxy animator
It has been said that disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. And in these tough times of economic downturn, retrentchments, and hell fire (just up the road from my house), I have been seeking high and low for beautiful distractions to keep my belief in magic alive. Dearest Mup pointed me in the direction of something fantastic on YouTube – the work of brilliant animator Nick Fox-Gieg. Watch both these pieces, the animation made me smile, and the story and narrators voice are like soothing ointment for the grazes on your brain.
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Hello horoscope
Yes it’s another horoscope – read it though it’s funny.
If you’re a Pisces, HAPPY BIRTHDAY month!
Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
You’re stuck in a rut this week, but look on the bright side. At least you’re not stuck in a rut in Bloemfontein. Unless you are, in which case have you considered becoming addicted to morphine?
Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18
Your doctor has never seen one that big, but don’t panic. There’s no reason to let it change your daily routine. Except you might want to put a paper bag over it, just so passing women and children stop screaming.
Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19
This week you will yearn for the country life. Until you drive into the country and remember that it’s full of shops without fridges selling lukewarm 7-Up and garlic polony.
Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21
A late-night drinking game involving a bottle of Captain Morgan and a tube of KY gel will end in the emergency room, with a doctor confirming that you’ve got a little Captain in you.
Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21
You’ll win an important argument at work this week. Your colleague will insist that Porky’s was the worst film the of the 1980s, but history will support you in your claim that it was Caddyshack.
Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23
Remember that your body is a temple. It’s time to kick out the moneylenders, but be careful not to punch a rabbi in the mouth.
Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22
Your bad sex life is directly related to work stress. Get to the root of the problem. Have sex with your boss.
Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22
Don’t be discouraged by the negativity of your friends. Just because your one true love gave you a fake phone number, took his/her name out of the phonebook, got a restraining order and bought a gun, it doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t see a future with you. One day you’ll make them all see that. Even it means using violence.
Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22
Remember, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But a bird in the hand can also make it difficult to brush your teeth or type up important documents. Weigh up your bird options carefully.
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
Worries at work will reach a climax as whispering behind your back turns to laughter, mime, and finally a float parade featuring burning effigies of you. Stay focused, and it will pass.
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
Do not under any circumstances trust your horoscope this week.
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Be especially careful around loved ones who are ill. A repeat of last year’s accidental life-support switch-off will not go down well, especially if you again claim you thought it was the plug for the kettle.
Via Hayibo.
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Horoscopes I like
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Your foot will fall asleep this Thursday, but not before draining a full bottle of whiskey, throwing up in an abandoned parking lot, and repeatedly calling its ex-wife on the phone.
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
The ghost of Richard Dean Anderson will soon pay you a visit and spend the entire time insisting he’s not dead yet.
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
This week be sure to pray to St. Harold, the Patron Saint of Falling Down The Basement Stairs, Shattering Both Your Hips, And Laying Paralyzed Until Someone Gets Home.
Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22
Cancer had its latest prediction all set to go, but then it found out about this cool new thing called Twitter, and well…you understand.
Read the rest of these hilarious horoscopes after the jump.
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Techno Music
Yup this is exactly the way I feel about crapno techno music.
More brilliance at Toothpaste For Dinner.
Very clever French designer Pink Wolf has made a series of suitcases that look like they’re carrying illegal items such as guns, knives and even an axe. Carrying one of these will definitely make your plane trip one to remember, unless of course you happen to be lucky enough to deal with that most elusive of creatures – airport security with a brain cell and a sense of humour.
I found this on Neatorama.