Categories
Awesomeness Entertainment

F’ing Awesome: The Count, Censored

Remember Count von Count from Sesame Street who had a love of counting and would count anything and everything? Crafty YouTube user CanonD265 has perverted the count’s theme song in a really ingenious way. It’s ****ing hilarious – check it out.

[Thanks ToOkieMoNstZA]

Categories
Cautionary Tales Entertainment Weirdness

Woman Bites off Lover’s Penis in Car Crash

Oh sweet baby Jesus! This the true pain that comes from a romantic tryst gone wrong.

Metro.co.uk reports that an adulterous boss and his secretary were having an affair in a car in a Singapore park when their good times was cut short, so to speak, by a reversing van. The 30-year old secretary was performing fellatio on her boss and the impact of the crash caused her to bite her lover’s penis off!

It that’s not humiliating enough, this whole incident was observed by a private detective who had been sent by the woman’s husband. The detective said that the car ‘shook violently’, was then hit by the van, and a woman screamed loudly, with her mouth covered in blood. No word on whether the chomped love muscle survived the accident.

BONUS: Improve your car-sex technique with the Ca’a’sutra. It’s not in english, but the photos are self-explanatory. Oh and cartoon sex may be NSFW at some workplaces.

Categories
Cautionary Tales

Screensaver for you

Lucy Furr sent me a mail this morning titled “Screensaver for you”. This is usually her modus operandi – tailoring the subject line to make it seem to be a virus. I knew something was fishy when the mail contained not a screensaver, but a wallpaper with this cute gat-possessing, ice-wearing, kitty-type thing.

I thought I’d share it with you, not only because it’s cool but to show you my keen grasp of the woman’s mind. Observe:

  1. A quick Googling revealed tokidoki to be a Japanese-inspired high-end urban lifestyle brand created in 2005 by an Italian artist Simone Legno. Coincidentally Lucy Furr likes high-end stuff.
  2. Amongst toys, clothing, and accessories, tokidoki also makes handbags. Coincidentally, Lucy Furr loves handbags.
  3. The email subject is coded in layers. Coincidentally, Lucy Furr is wearing layers of clothing today.

This is no coincidence. My analytical mind has decrypted the email subject: “Screensaver for you” > “Wallpaper to see” > “Tokidoki for me” > “Handbag for me“.

There you have it. I’m off to buy a handbag. Well played Lucy, well played.

Categories
Science & Technology Video Clips Weirdness

Experiments in Galvanism

Mad science was invented ages go, and Giovanni Aldini (1762 – 1834) was a certainly a member of the club. This Italian physicist primarily worked on the medical applications of galvanism and used to tour across Europe electrifying human and animal bodies for the delight of the public. His notoriety peaked in 1803 when he performed at the Royal College of Surgeons in London – using his conducting rods on the body of a hanged criminal named George Foster, he caused the dead man’s muscles to contract and distort. Aldini was made a knight by the emperor of Austria for his fabulous showmanship.

Moving into the modern times, I give you Experiments in Galvanism by mad scientist artist Garnet Hertz. The project implanted a miniature webserver into the body of a dead frog and enabled remote viewers are to trigger a movement in the frog’s legs!

Experiments in Galvanism is the culmination of studio and gallery experiments in which a miniature computer is implanted into the dead body of a frog specimen. Akin to Damien Hirst’s bodies in formaldehyde, the frog is suspended in clear liquid contained in a glass cube, with a blue ethernet cable leading into its splayed abdomen. The computer stores a website that enables users to trigger physical movement in the corpse: the resulting movement can be seen in gallery, and through a live streaming webcamera.

An image of the frog’s wired-up innards is after the jump.

Categories
Mindlessness Video Clips

Sparkling Wiggles

Little children. I’d love them if I didn’t hate them so much. They’re capable of such humour as unintentional as it may be. Listen as a little girl’s parent ask her to say “Sparkling Wiggles“. It’s unwise to play this through your PC speakers, it contains language that may be offensive to some people.

[Thanks for the tip Andrew!]

Categories
Cautionary Tales Movies Video Clips

District 9: For Humans Only

I was speaking to a bunch of friends last night and none of them had heard of District 9. That was not the answer I was looking for, considering I didn’t know what the frack it was either. Until now.

Produced by Peter Jackson, District 9 is the directorial debut of Jackson’s protege and South African born Neill Blomkamp. In this mysterious sci-fi flick, it seems that Johannesburg, South Africa has become a haven for refugees, both human and extraterrestrial.

Shot in a faux-documentary style, District 9 is slated for release August 14th, 2009. Check out the uncensored trailer below or watch it in HD at Apple.com.

From the teaser, I assume that the big-ass alien ship has run out of petrol and can’t leave the earth, so it begs the question – why would the visitors from outer space be forced to live in a shantytown when they could stay aboard their ship? There must be more to this and I’m very interested to find out.

The official website d-9.com with its media-rich interface allows you to either enter the human side or non-human side and provides a lot of information, most of which I don’t understand or know what to do with. I chose the non-human side and entered an obviously false alien ID. Alarm bells started ringing, things were scanned, I was told my connection was being monitored, and got redirected to some company called Multi-National United. The plot thickens…

[via Digital Citizen]

Categories
Awesomeness Literature

Read Dracula in real time

Binder of beautiful and elegant books, Whitney Sorrow, is posting each entry of Jonathan Harker’s diary (the diary entries make up the Bram Stoker novel Dracula) on her blog on the actual days that the entries are written. She started on the 3rd of May which is Jonathan’s first entry. However, I’m a bit slow on the uptake and only found it today.

It’s a pretty cool way to experience this epistolary novel whether you’ve read it before or not, as you get to experience the action at the same time as the characters do. Read your daily instalment at Dracula but I warn you, one entry a day just makes you want more!

Categories
Competitions Site Announcements

Caption Contest: Win Vida Coffee Vouchers!

Note: This competition has ended.

It’s competition time at Onelargeprawn and we’re hosting another caption contest. It’s winner-takes-all and the funniest caption will win 25 coffee card vouchers to use at the purveyor of most excellent coffee,  vida e caffé.

Our contest image is taken from Daniela Edburg’s Drop Dead Gorgeous series. You can see more of Daniela’s amazing work at http://danielaedburg.net.

Leave your caption in the comments section – one caption per comment, but you can submit as many comments as you like. Remember to provide a valid e-mail address as that is the one we’ll be using to contact the winner. This competition starts today and will end on May 13th, 2009. It is only open to South African residents.

Much love to Peta at Obrigado and vida e caffé for sponsoring the prize. Muito obrigado! ;-)

Categories
Awesomeness Entertainment Politics Smolitics

Top 10 Comebacks of all Time

I am the comeback king. I lie, I’m completely rubbish. Upon being insulted my modus operandi usually involves a terse “You suck donkey balls” followed by a tight pirouette and quick sprint in the opposite direction. My sense of fight vs flight is highly tuned ;-)

Other people have settled conflicts with a retort so stabbing there is no recovery; their arguers lose face and must retreat wondering why the fuck they didn’t think of it first. One such person is the ever lovable Winston Churchill and these are some of his comebacks.

Nancy and the Poisoned Coffee

Nancy Astor, an American socialite who married into the wealthy English family of Astor, was invited to a dinner party on the Churchill estate. She became extremely annoyed at the drunk Churchill and said, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” To which Churchill merely replied:

Nancy, if you were my wife I’d drink it.

Let Sleeping Dragons lie

Churchill was listening to a long-winded speech by one of his opponents and after 30 minutes, he slumped into his seat and closed his eyes. His opponent noticed and shouted, “Must you fall asleep when I am speaking?”. Without even opening his eyes, Churchill quipped:

No, it’s purely voluntary.

The Ugly Truth

Churchill was intoxicated at party in London, and when another irritated lady yelled at him, “Winston, you’re drunk!” his retorted with this:

You’re right Bessie, and you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober.

Winston Churchill’s witty comebacks are included in the top 10 comebacks of all time – see the full list at TopTenz.net. If you’ve made a memorable comeback, drop us a comment.

Categories
Cautionary Tales Music Risqué Video Clips

Puke in my Mouth: The Ladies Response to Jizz in my Pants

Some time back we posted about jizzing in our pants and now it’s time for the female response to the famous parody. Check it out.

Big ups to the girls puking in their mouths! The lyrics are after the jump.